Rhywegan Aphrodisiac - One Bottle (Shattered)
by Earendil Eldar
Summary: The dangers of Ianto's archives are many!
It was one of those mornings in Torchwood. Ianto had been hoping to get an early start and went down to the archives to fetch up the box of assorted non-terrestrial stuff while his and Jack's morning coffee brewed.

Not being properly caffeinated, however, Ianto was startled by the cry of a pteranodon above him, slipped on the last step coming up from the archives, and the box slipped from his grasp. A bottle spilled out and shattered on the concrete. Ianto muttered a curse and set the box upright, checking that no other contents had been damaged. As he straightened up to go fetch the broom and dustpan, however, Ianto realized how intoxicating was the aroma of the spilt substance. He was engrossed for a moment, just appreciating its sweetness, before he caught sight of Jack up in his office.

Suddenly, Ianto's focus sharpened and isolated on Jack. He needed Jack, had to have him, that very moment!

Ianto all but sprinted up the stairs and burst through the door. Jack's expression went from amused to concerned and back to amused in the time it took Ianto to cross the office in three strides, grab Jack by the collar, and start snogging for all he was worth.

Pulling away just slightly, Jack chuckled. "Good morning to you, too, Tiger! Not that I don't enjoy this thoroughly, but what's the occasion?"

"Need you now!" Ianto growled, tugging Jack's shirttails from his trouses and backing him against the wall.

"You are being _really_ subtle about it, but I kinda guessed," Jack smirked. "I'm just kinda wondering what's got you all riled up this early. You usually -"

"Shut up," Ianto demanded, unbuttoning Jack's shirt.

"Well, ok… but ya know, maybe we should take it -"

"I said shut up! You're not helping! I need you this instant." Jack was still far too dressed and dealing with both a belt and braces was more frustration than Ianto could stand. Finally, he spun Jack around and swept his legs out from under him, sending them both to the floor. Ianto didn't miss a beat in getting on top of Jack, shoving his braces off his shoulders, and dragging his trousers passed his hips.

When Jack managed to recover his breath, it came with the realization that this was incredibly hot but also incredibly un-Ianto-like behavior. "You do know the rest of the team is due in, like, the next 15 minutes…?" Jack pointed out.

"Don't care. I'm having you now!"

And that was all Jack needed to know. Gathering up all his strength and the will to ignore what Ianto's long, dexterous fingers were doing between his legs, Jack held him at arms' length. "Ok, who the hell are you?"

"I'm really not interested in roleplay right now, Jack," Ianto breathed.

"Yeah, see, thing is, this might be really fun, but I take exception to somebody impersonating my boyfriend to have a good time with me. I have all kinds-a types, all you had to do was ask. The answer would have been no, but still."

"Are you gonna talk the entire time?"

"No, 'cause we're not havin' a _time_ , got that, buddy? You might look like my Ianto but you clearly didn't half as much research as he would have done. You missed a vital point. My Ianto Jones would never in a million years not care about having an audience. So stop this now before I have to hurt you. And tell me where my Ianto is. Because if you've harmed him, you're gonna wish you'd never even heard of this galaxy!"

"Oh, bloody hell, Jack! It _is_ me! 'Your' Ianto, not a bloody copycat alien. And I need you to fuck me, immediately. What is so difficult to understand about that? Put the bloody place on lockdown and then shag me through the floor – and do it _now_!"

"And how do I know -"

Ianto pushed Jack's hand away from his chest and whispered a name into his ear.

Jack's eyes went wide. "Ianto? What's got into you?"

"Does it matter? Please, Jack. Now!"

"No, wait a minute, this isn't you. Hell, this isn't even _me_. At least, not at this time of the morning. Something's not…. What's that nice perfume? Did you switch cologne?"

Ianto, unbuttoning his waistcoat, shook his head.

Jack stared at Ianto, his eyes glazed for a moment before his focus cleared and he surged up under his lover, grasping Ianto's neck and crushing their mouths together. "Oh, goddesses, Ianto! I need you now!" Jack gasped.

"Finally," Ianto grumbled.

"Lube… where's the lube? Lots of it," Jack muttered, scrambling out from under Ianto and yanking open desk drawers. "And lockdown… gotta lockdown… not stopping any time soon!" he said, flipping open his wrist strap and keying in the code to seal the Hub.

By the time he got back to Ianto, neither of them retained the trousers or shirts, lockdown alerts were still blaring throughout the Hub, and their mobiles were already ringing and buzzing with messages from Gwen, Owen, and Tosh who had just received automatic lockdown warnings on their Torchwood phones. Neither Jack nor Ianto paid the slightest bit of attention to anything but one another… for the next three hours.

* * *

"I can't move…," Ianto whimpered, a naked heap on the floor, half-wrapped around Jack.

"Yeah. Ditto," Jack panted. "What the hell just happened to us?"

"Haven't a sausage."

Jack giggled. "Oh, you certainly did, though!"

Ianto lacked even the energy to roll his eyes.

"Ok… what happened just before you rushed in here, exactly? Much as I know you've got a real wild streak under those bespoke suits, something had to have triggered that. And whatever it was got to me, too, because contrary to popular belief, I actually do possess incredible self-control… most of the time."

Ianto moaned as he tried to push himself up to sit and gave up on that idea. "I don't know, Jack. I went down to the archives to fetch up that box I was categorizing last night and… oh. I slipped on the stairs. Something fell out and broke. It must have been some kind of alien Viagra."

"Oh…. I bet it was the other bottle of that stuff from the Rhywegian cluster. I knew it was around somewhere. Maybe I better clear up the remains before anyone gets cut."

Ianto raised a shaky hand and pointed at a gas-mask on the wall. "Best wear that. If there's any of it left in the air, I don't think I can survive any more shagging."

"Good point." Jack dragged himself upright, but instead of going for the mask first thing, he climbed down into his bunker and emerged with a pillow, which he tucked under Ianto's head, and his coat, which he covered Ianto with.

"Even if it was Rhywegan aphrodisiac, you were damn good," Jack grinned, then kissed Ianto soundly. "And no copycat alien could fool me there."

On his way down to clean up the broken glass, air protection firmly in place, Jack texted the rest of the team that everything was fine but he couldn't allow anyone in for another 24 hours, and if they wanted to know why, they could ask Owen where the Rhywegian cluster was located and what a whole bottle of their cologne would result in.


End file.
